would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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