dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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