You don't have asthma, your pregnant
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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