Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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