ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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