I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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