I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
