fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
