Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
