Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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