If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
