I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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