dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
