im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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