Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
