just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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