Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
