oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
