I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
