I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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