I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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