that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
be right there i have to get my cape
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
