hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
