I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
