dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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