Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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