I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
