sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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