I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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