these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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