i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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