After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
