I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
