I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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