can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
