respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize