Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
