So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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