New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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