oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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