remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
