And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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