sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
