my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize