Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
