who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
