p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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