no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
