I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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