Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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