Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
