Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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