I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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