Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
