How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just blew my weed a kiss
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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