Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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