Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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