I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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