they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
