Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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