and you said cock pushups were impossible
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
