and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
