the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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