So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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