i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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