She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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