I want to stick my p in your. b.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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