In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
