hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
