theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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