i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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