she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
