That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
