I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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