Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
