I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
