im having a threesome with these popsicles
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
